05 Mar 2012

Just in case you’re tempted to watch this film, let me save you the bother and tell you what happens:

Gael Garcia Bernal plays, ‘The only person in the film with an ounce of charisma.’ He is engaged to a blonde personality vacuum with bad dress sense. They fly to Verona. He runs off to do interesting things, we are forced to stay in the hotel and watch her pout.

After an hour of tedium, Ms Airhead finds the man she’s been looking for. She is overjoyed. His soulless husk is as badly dressed as hers. He is overjoyed too. He hasn’t had any real work since he left Home & Away.

Vanessa Regrave picks up a cheque, a free holiday in Italy, and a kiss from Italy’s answer to Tom Jones. Given how little screen time is given to septuagenarian nookie these days, she chalks the film up as a personal victory.

The End.

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