Things I Love About Languages I Hate

I'm worried I've seemed a bit grumpy about tech lately. So, in an attempt to find silver linings and stream some positivity from my corner of the technosphere1, here are some things I love about the things I hate:


  • It has all the best content-management systems. God only knows why, but it does.
  • It gets fast results for beginners, and you can't underestimate the value of that.


  • If you just typed it at the command line, you're 80% of the way to automating it.


  • It's the only programming language my mother has installed. And my grandmother. And, basically, everyone.

PL/SQL (and variants)

  • It has, hands down, the best SQL integration of any language. That's the only thing it's got, but it's got that. If your job just involves manipulating database rows, it'll be written before your package manager has finished downloading an internet's worth of ORM dependencies. And if your program processes a million database rows, a PL/SQL can finish the job before your ORM has finished deserialising the first 10,000.


  • Along with a few other, better languages, it's a bit of a magnet for smart people right now.


  • Mongo, Express, Angular & Node. It's a really good acronym. I mean, really good. It's memorable and sounds cool & edgy.


  1. How can you have a corner of a sphere?